wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
