I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think I sprained my soul last night
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
