what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
