No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize