mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
that is very illegal...i love you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
