i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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