I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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