i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
