arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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