I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize