That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
