where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
