She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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