Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
