She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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