This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
