your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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