You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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