Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
