who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize