dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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