There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You are the jesus of drinking
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
