he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
