he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
