i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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