I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
