Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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