My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
