just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
