Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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