why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
