Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Shame - the story of my life.
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