i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
