I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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