I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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