God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
