...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
