Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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