Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
