Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
