i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
