i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
