Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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