How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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