and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
