I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
