but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
