Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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