this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
