im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
