he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
