Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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