I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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