I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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