Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
