She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize