i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
nutella sex= disaster
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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