If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
