her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
