Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
