dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm like, not good at living.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
