I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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