I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
