walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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