i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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