you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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