haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
